Four Walls

Crime Fiction by John Patrick Nelson

They’d been at the restaurant for almost forty-five minutes, when Sonny saw the lady sitting at the bar.

“Geez, lookit that. She is fucking incredible.”

Carl popped a breadstick. “So? Go talk to her.”

“Nahh, my ex is watchin’ me like a hawk. Got a P.I. on me and everything.”

“For real?”

“Shit you zero. I gotta play it cool until the divorce is finalized, else I don’t get my days with Elsie. Swear to God, I’m more locked down than when I was still married, y’know?”

Carl looked at his watch. “Yeah, guess we all got our chains.”

“You gotta go?” Sonny said.

“Probably should. Boss is being a whole prick.”

He thought about it.

“Fuck it. Can only kill me once, right? Finish the story.”

Sonny laughed. “Which one?”

“Whatsername. One in jail.”

“Oh, shit, right. So, okay, she’d gone down for that thing, y’know, the whole religious thing.”

“See, I don’t get that. It’s like a cult?”

“I mean, they’re all cults if you look at it a certain way. Long as you don’t like outright steal money from your flock, you can coast for a good while. But I guess they couldn’t help themselves. Plus all the sex stuff, y’know, with kids and all. That’s why the max security prison.”

“Sweet fuckin’ Jesus.”

“Well, she says she’s got nothin’ to do with that. Claims she took the fall for all the dudes higher-up, who’re still floatin’ around, free as birds. I don’t know her all that well, she was my wife’s friend, you can guess where I sit on that. Anyway, she’s being squeezed from all sides, y’know, nice lookin’ lady like that, she’s got the guards all up in her shit, sayin’ they can do favors for her if she puts out, got the cons fightin’ each other over who’s gonna enslave her or whatever the fuck, you got the cops trying to get her to roll over on her boss, y’know, the head dragon or whatever the fuck they call it, then that guy is sayin’ he’ll make it worth her while to keep her mouth shut.”

“Besides which, he’s probably got a long reach?”

Sonny shrugged. “After doin’ shit like that to kids, I’m guessin’ murder ain’t too hard a stretch. And this lady, she’s not, how to put it, holdin’ up so well. My ex went to see her, said she looked like all kindsa shit. Like maybe they should put her on suicide watch.”

“Jesus. That’s one way out.”

“Right? I mean, short’a goin’ over the walls ‘r something, she’s got no options. All right, so there she is, dead center of a five-way gangbang, everywhere she looks, there’s some swingin’ dick lookin’ to jam it in. So this lady -“

“What’s her name again?”

“Shit. Aja, I think? It’s not her real name… well, I mean, she was brought up with a whitebread Susan B. Anthony-type name, then she got in the cult, so now she’s Aja. So Aja, she gets to thinking, and I guess she figures, go with what you know, right? So she starts a little prayer circle. Just her and like two, three other women. And I don’t know all the details of when she was in the cult, but when she’s on the outside, the men are the focus, right? I mean, you gotta have your Manson, that’s this Grand Chicken ‘r whatever the fuck, and y’got his lieutenants, which, call it like it is, they’re his bodyguards, keep anybody from getting ideas. These guys, they get the fuck of the flock, whoever they pick, it’s pump ‘n’ grind time, you don’t say no. And once they’re done with you, you keep your mouth shut, right? You say anything, you’re out. Same with the kids, I’m guessing. Point is, sex is the big thing they use to hold this whole thing together.

“So, she starts this prayer circle thing, and she sorta keeps it normal, y’know God this, Jesus that, none’a that Helter-Skelter shit. BUT. There’s one big exception to the gospels you’re used to, and that is, sex is okay, right? Especially woman sex. Y’know, women have been chosen by God, they’re the ones get immaculate conceptions, no dude’s ever given birth to the Savior, right? So, if a woman wants to fuck, she can do it however she wants. Guy, girl, whatever, it’s all fair game. And, y’know, a lotta these ladies, their whole prison story usually starts out with somebody, daddy or step-daddy or bad uncle or whatever, right, givin’ ’em rough touches and what-not. So almost all of ’em, they think they’re broken ’cause they’ve been naughty since they were little girls, and Aja, she tells ’em, no, you’re the one who’s right. You’re the life-giver, you’re the hand that rocks the cradle, so you’re the one closest to God. And how do you back that up? Oh look, Jesus is washin’ the whore’s feet, and puttin’ ’em on a pedestal.

“Now, naturally, you got some lady who thinks she’s been a fuck-up and a slut her whole life, guys have been tellin’ ’em they’re nothin’, you tell her she’s the most important thing, and fuckin’ is the way she gets herself more God-like? I mean, not across the board, but a few of these ladies ‘r gonna start gettin’ real fuckin’ randy, right? And unless they’re getting themselves a conjugal on the regular, they’re gonna figure out how to love the one they’re with. And Aja, I mean, I don’t know what her other skill sets are, but she’s gotten real good at fuckin’. And, smartest thing she does, she puts herself available with all these women. Y’know, far as they’re concerned, she’s there to fill their needs, because they’re women, and God’s mission is, keep the women happy.”

“Jesus, this one’a them women in birdcages movies?”

“No shit, the guy who makes this into a movie is gonna be printin’ money. But here’s the thing, she starts slow, like I said, two, three women. But those two, three women, they’re so fuckin’ horny, they start bringin’ other ladies onboard, teaching’ them the gospel. Before you know it, it’s five women, then a dozen, and suddenly, she’s havin’ daily sermons to half the prison, plus givin’ ’em the hump mornin’ noon and night. And y’know, she’s already ordained, right? Like, this wasn’t a bunch’a assholes livin’ on a ranch and callin’ themselves somethin’, they had paperwork, the church is tax-free, all that shit. And she’s ordained, which, far as the law’s concerned, this is the same as being a regular priest or minister or whatever. So she can use her religious affiliation to get stuff through her lawyer. And she doesn’t use that for herself, she’s gettin’ shit for other inmates. Y’know, some shit brought in for them, favors on the outside.

“What she’s doin’, in other words, is building a big army of women who owe her. And the more she does for them, and the more she refuses to take anything in return, the more these ladies are apt to do anything she asks, right? So she starts reeeeeeal small. I mean, she’s like one’a them people starts with a paper clip, ends up tradin’ for a car or a house. She takes a cigarette here, piece’a chocolate there. And she stockpiles all of it, and starts tradin’ for things, including cash, which can then go to the guards. And from what I hear, there’s a few guards who dig her interpretation of the scriptures, so she’s bangin’ them too, and the more she does that, the more shit she can get to and from the outside. I mean, she’s already solved the problem of who’s gonna own her in prison, because she’s the one doin’ the owning, she’s got an army of women, so no one’s gonna touch her. Who needs the hassle, right? Plenty other fish in the sea. You got the guards off your back, the inmates, so you’re pretty much covered locally.

“So that just leaves the outside, right? The cops and the Boss Lizard. Well, cops, as it turns out, they’re pretty easy to touch on the outside. You got enough people owe you enough favors, chances are, any cop willin’ to take a bribe or cash out in sex, you can get in your pocket. That don’t work, you get somebody in your sex cult to do you a favor. And maybe that’s not so easy in the beginning, but once your gospel starts spreadin’, y’know, when your sheep are passin’ the word’a God to the outside world, you start makin’ some friends on the outside. People who’re maybe down with doin’ a cop dirty. Or his family.”

“Jesus.”

“It’s a fucked-up world, and no mistake. So, few months later, the cops that were so hot to flip her to grab the Grand Lizard, couple of ’em have met with ‘accidents,’ couple others are drivin’ new cars, so the case is goin’ nowhere, right? Well, the Big Rooster, he’s just dandy with all this, he figures his little concubine is doin’ all this ’cause she loves him, right? So he figures, she’s started this little franchise for ‘im, he can start usin’ it to his advantage. So he starts visitin’ her in prison, tellin’ her what she’s gonna do for him, and all this. He’s got big plans, and he needs her to start pullin’ the strings for ‘im. And she’s all Bambi-eyed, ‘ooh, yes daddy,’ ‘anything you say,’ ‘you’re the king,’ tellin’ him everything he wants to hear. Meantime, unbeknownst to his dumb ass, she’s settin’ up shop right under his nose, she’s puttin’ her people in the key spots in his church, accountant, lawyer, even the secretary in the office who counts all the tithings, y’know? And she’s doin’ just enough favors for this numb nuts that he thinks he’s a fuckin’ genius, he’s so good at this, shit runs itself, right? So he’s doin’ less overseein’ and more fuckin’. So he doesn’t have a fuckin’ clue when her people start skimmin’ the operation. Little bit at first, then just wholesale robbin’ this fool blind. Long as he can use the church as his personal ATM and brothel, he’s not payin’ attention to the rest.

“And everything’s goin’ fine, until one of the Big Dragon’s lieutenants starts to notice something’s off. Now, this guy is no genius, but he can see that the money ain’t flowing the direction it’s supposed to, right? So he does some checkin’, starts to realize who’s really in charge now. And he’s got two choices, one, he can take it right to the Boss, who, don’t forget, is livin’ his best life, and this dude has seen what happens to people this guy decides to sacrifice. So he goes with option b, he takes it right to Aja. Now, he doesn’t know how far her reach is, but I’m guessin’, if he can play it straight, tell her to knock off the horseshit or he’s going to the Lizard, maybe he can curb her a little, right? But a’course, none of these guys got into this because they wanted to play it straight, so he goes to her, tells her she’s gotta start doin’ somethin’ for him, or the Boss is gonna hear about it, right?”

“So this guy ends up dead?”

“Who knows? Maybe if they find his body they finally get an answer. Nah, far’s the Turkey’s concerned, this guy robbed the till and split for Uganda. Which, if you think about it, is a two-for-one, ’cause not only is the missing asshole outta the way, all the money he supposedly stole is I’m sure gone in her nest egg.

“But, something like that happens, you’re bound to start payin’ attention, right? So the King Pig, he finally starts really havin’ a look around, and even though he can’t put his finger on it, he can tell something’s off. He starts gettin’ paranoid, right, starts actin’ like Howard Hughes, never leavin’ his room, pissin’ in jars. I mean, he’s livin’ in a mansion, and he’s scared to leave his bedroom, right? Plots are afoot ‘n’ shit. He’s not even givin’ his sermons in person anymore, right, he’s beamin’ into the chapel on a remote feed. Which, y’know, works for a bit, but he starts rantin’ and ravin’ about people out to get him, and when you can see the line’a piss bottles right there on the screen, y’know, the flock starts to get a little fidgety. So, the lieutenants, they don’t wanna lose this great thing they got goin’, so they get this idea, Aja’s doin’ so good at her thing, why not have her take the sermon? I mean, since they can just beam people in and all. And since she’s doin’ so good in prison, and enough people can vouch for her, the powers that be are like, sure, why not? So she’s sermonizing from her prison cell!”

“Damn,” Carl said.

“Now, this next part I gotta extrapolate a little bit. I don’t know if Lord Pisspot figured out that Aja was the one pullin’ the strings, or his paranoia just was going full tilt, but he one day realizes, she’s the cause of all his misery. And nobody does him the dirt. She’s gotta die. But of course, he’s not gonna give up all the money he ripped off fair ‘n’ square, right? So he puts a bounty on her head, thirty grand, figures that outta be enough. Offers it up to one’a the guards he thinks is still on his payroll. Guard gets half up front, and he takes it, goes right to her, tips her off.”

“How long did the boss last?”

“Still alive, believe it ‘r not. Dunno if she did it on purpose or it was just a lucky happenstance, but Boss Hogg meets with his little ‘accident,’ but instead of dyin’, it’s the kind where he gets oxygen cut off to his brain for just long enough he can’t talk or communicate anymore, can’t do much’a anything but lay in his hospital bed, which is in his bedroom in his big mansion. So here he is, trapped in the room he made his own prison cell, now he’s pissin’ in a bag ’cause he has to, and they got the TV above his bed, and she insists it be tuned 24/7 to the sermons she gives, y’know, all the ones she got recorded on loop, and then turn over live when she’s on the prison feed. And he’s got no choice, all he can do is watch the lady he knows wants him there suffering, unless he can make himself sleep, and even then, he’s probably hearin’ her in his dreams, right?”

“Good Christ.”

“Amen to that.”

“So, where is she now? Still in prison?”

“Yeah, it’s weird, even though she could probably pay her way out now, if she wanted, I guess she figures why rock the boat. I mean, not for nothin’, she’s got all these people to do whatever she wants, she’s more protected now than she is on the outside. If she wants something from outside, she can get it. Maybe the sex is so good inside, why give up a good thing? I dunno. And I could be wrong, maybe I’m readin’ between the lines too much, but I think she kinda feels safe, y’know? Got her little room, four walls, done up just the way she likes. I dunno, I only got my ex to trust on this one, but from what I gather about her, y’know, growin’ up, I don’t get the feeling that ‘safe’ was something she ever felt. Even when she was in the cult on the outside, she was still down the ladder from the men, who could fuck her whenever they felt like it. I mean, if you’d finally gotten yourself to the place where everything is goin’ your way, is it really even a prison anymore?”

He thought for a second, had nothing to add.

“Anyway,” he said.

“All right, gotta get,” Carl said. “You got this? I can pay you back or get the next one.”

Sonny waved him off, Carl gave him a little salute, as he headed for the door.

Sonny looked at the lady sitting at the bar. He stared for a minute, thinking it over.

“Yeah, fuck it,” he said, and headed over to the bar.

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Bio: John Patrick Nelson is a writer and Emmy-nominated TV editor (Project Runway, MTV’s The Challenge, RuPaul’s Drag Race…). He’s had stories in All Due Respect, Shotgun Honey, Black Cat Weekly, Guilty Crime Story Magazine, Pulp Asylum, and Popcorn Fiction. Find him at his website HERE.

Photo by: pexels/Ron Lach

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